Autistic in Cybersecurity: Finding My Path Beyond Management

A Dual Experience

For years, I’ve worked in cybersecurity—first as an individual contributor, then as a manager. Both roles came with unique expectations and lessons. But as I reflect on my journey, I’ve had to confront a truth I never expected:

“Even though I’m qualified for management, it’s not the right fit for me.”

IC vs. Manager: The Contrast Was Clear

As an individual contributor, my days had structure. Routines were consistent, and I knew what to expect. This predictability gave me the mental space to thrive.

Being a manager, however, was filled with uncertainty. Was I supporting my team well enough? Did I communicate clearly? Could they rely on me emotionally and technically? I constantly second-guessed myself.

“Surprises were less frequent as an IC. But in management, it felt like every day came with a new unknown.”

Is It My Autism, or Just Me?

I often wonder—was the stress I felt as a leader tied to my autism, or is this just my personality? I received my autism diagnosis later in life, so I spent years masking without even knowing what it was.

“Masking in tech is common—but it’s still heavy.”

Even in IT, a field filled with brilliant and diverse minds, masking every day felt like dragging extra emotional weight to work. It’s not that I couldn’t do the job—it's that it cost me too much to keep doing it.

How Autistix Lab Became My Outlet

When I created Autistix Lab, I wasn’t trying to start a brand—I was trying to breathe.

This space gave me something I didn’t know I needed: creative release, freedom, and self-acceptance. I could take my internal experiences and turn them into t-shirts, accessories, books, and fidget tools that spoke for me when I couldn’t find the words.

“Even when a design gets criticized, it’s still a part of my story.”

Autistix Lab lets me do things my way, on my time—and that’s been one of the most healing things I’ve experienced.

What If I’d Known Sooner?

I sometimes ask myself: What would life have looked like if I had known I was autistic earlier? What if accommodations had been in place—not just to help me function, but to help me flourish?

That question doesn’t come with regret—it comes with clarity. And that clarity is now guiding the way I create and connect through Autistix Lab.

There’s Power in Choosing Peace

I worked hard to become “qualified” for leadership, but the reality is this: peace is more valuable than a title. I don’t need to wear a manager badge to feel successful.

Creating with honesty. Living without shame. Sharing my truth.
That’s what success looks like for me now.

— Founder, Autistix Lab
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If you've ever felt unseen in the workplace or overwhelmed by expectations, I invite you to explore AutismMerch.com.
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